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Submitted on
January 24, 2013
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"_______..."

"________?"

"_________!"

You jumped, Matthew's voice startling you from the scatter of thoughts occupying your mind. Your reaction caused the Canadian to flinch a bit in surprise, yelping out a small 'Maple!'.

"Sorry Mattie." You apologized with a self-conscious smile. "I got distracted for a sec."

Your friend hugged his bear closer to him and gave you a sheepish smile. "It's okay, ________. But..um, what was your answer for question 6?"

You and Matthew had been doing weekly study sessions for almost a month now. You had horrible grades in History, but scored excellently in Math. Vice versa, Matthew couldn't do math well, but scored very well in History. So you decided to help each other out once a week to hang out and to keep your grades from plunging. Yet recently, there had been some complications...

You looked down at your paper. Not one pen mark save for your name had touched the paper. The words of the questions swam before your eyes, jumbling together to make incoherible sentences. 

A hand hesitantly touched your shoulder. "_______..." Matthew asked, his slightly purple eyes full of concern. "Are you alright?"

No, I'm not alright.

You nodded, putting on a cheerful smile. "Yeah Mattie, I'm okay. It's probably just a cold or something."

The Blonde looked less than convinced, yet he gave a tiny sigh "O-okay, if you say so." he turned to look back at his paper. You let out a silent sigh of relief. The last thing you needed to worry about was Matthew getting worried about you. He didn't need to know what was really going on.

About an hour later, you had both finished your homework, and began packing your bookbags. 

"It's dark outside..." You muttered glancing out the window.

"D-do you want me to walk you home?" Matthew asked, a slight blush coloring his cheeks.

Home.

You flinched on instinct, the word itself making you want to scream. Home, where sadness and anger descended on you like a wild beast, the place you constantly tried to escape.

I don't want to go home.

"No..." You whispered with dread.

Matthew was waving his hands. "S-sorry! I just wanted to be polite, there might be...oh, I don't know..."

In his moment of panic, you managed to compose yourself, racking your brain desperately for a way out this. "It's okay" You told him with a smile. "I just remembered my parents aren't home tonight, and I forgot the key to the house." You rubbed your head sheepishly. "I'm locked out, I guess."

Matthew looked at you with surprise for a moment, this taking time to register in his brain.

"Oh! Well Alfred is out tonight, he's with friends you see. I guess...you could take his bedroom." He looked down at his shoes, trying to hide his scarlet cheeks.

You threw your arms around the Canadian, sending his glasses askew. "Thanks so much Mattie!" You cried, hugging him.

"Maple~!" Matthew yelped. 

You released him. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you."

Matthew fixed his glasses. "It's okay, um, why don't you take a shower, and I'll make some dinner."

You nodded eagerly. "What's for dinner?"

The Canadian grinned. "Pancakes."

~                                                                              ~


Steam filled the bathroom, fogging the mirror and making the air opaque with water vapor. You stood with a towel wrapped around your mid-section, drying your hair. As you finished you wiped away to fog in the mirror to reveal your reflection.

And the scars.

Thin, healed over abrasions dotted your shoulders and arms, more trailing down the sides of your legs and your calves, a few just freshly healed over.

You absent-mindedly scratched at a few on your shoulder, distracted again by thoughts of home and depression.

A knock on the door startled you from your musings.

"_______, I thought you'd might like some night-clothes, so I brought you a T-shirt. It might be a little big, but it should work. Oh! There's a pair of sweatpants too."

You made to open the door and grab the clothes from Matthew, but stopped, remembering your bare arms.

"Uh, Thanks Mattie! You can just leave them there, I-I'll be out in a sec!"

'Oh, okay." The Canadian replied. You waited until his footsteps faded down the hall before daring to grab the clothes left outside the door. 

You looked down at the clothes, the T-shirt printed with a large red maple leaf on the front.

"I'm sorry Matthew." You muttered, holding the clothes close to your face. "I'm sorry I can't tell you the truth."

~                                               ~

"_______, pancakes are ready!" Matthew called, turning to see you at the doorway to the kitchen. "Oh good, you're already here."

You didn't move. Only your face and your hands peeped from the corner of the doorway.

"______...?"

You stepped into the doorway,wearing the sweatpants that covered your calves, and the T-shirt that did not hide your arms. You held your hands behind your back. Your hair hid your face as you looked down at your feet.

Matthew set down the platter of pancakes and walked over to you. "Is something wrong?" he asked in almost a whisper.

You shook your head, but also stepped backwards as he reached out a hand to touch you. "Don't." You whispered. 

Yet the warm, gentle hands were there again, hesitantly, but firmly coaxing your arms forward, revealing the scars of memories long past.

The room was absolutely still. Matthew didn't move, and you remained completely still, awaiting the torrent and flood of questions that would inevitably come.

But it didn't.

Instead, Matthew gripping your hands firmly in his. "_______." he said sternly.

You looked up, eyes threatening to spill over with tears. All the shy bashfulness had vanished from Matthew's face, to be replaced by a look of concealed anger.

"Who did this?"

It started out as a sniffle, and then a choked sob. Soon you were trapped in Matthew's warm and comforting arms, crying and hiccupping into his chest. Matthew hugged you close and murmured soothing words in french, not bothering to try and get you to explain.

He led you over to the sofa and sat you down while you cried almost uncontrollably into your hands. Matthew held you and stroked your hair, wiping away the tears that continued to stream down your face.

"It was me." You finally choked out.

Matthew was still beside you, not a muscle moved. You swallowed your sobs and clenched your hands, half-expecting Matthew to stand up and leave you there without another word.

But, to your surprise, you found your face tilted upwards to meet a pair of lips that tasted faintly of Maple syrup. Your eyes widened in surprise, but hesitantly, you kissed him back.

After a few moment, Matthew pulled back, his hands coming to rest on either side of your face.

"_______." He whispered, thumb brushing away a tear. "I love you."

You blinked with confusion. Matthew? Sweet, innocent, shy Matthew, loved you?

Before you could respond, Matthew wrapped his arms around you again, comforting warmth and assurance embracing you. "I'm not sure what made you unhappy. I'm not sure what dark place you've been to, but I do know that I wont let you go back. OK?"

You stared over his shoulder with wide, unsure eyes. Yet at that moment, a tiny little prickle of warmth began to bloom inside your chest. Slowly, your hands reached out and clutched the fabric of Matthew's hoodie, and you buried your face into his chest. "Yes." You muttered.





"Matthew?"

"hmm?"

"I love you too."


Dermotillomania: The act of self mutilation through picking or scratching one's skin. Usually caused by OCD or depression/Stress/Anxiety

Hetalia belongs to :iconhimaruyaplz:
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:iconsk8rchic2000:
Sk8rchic2000 Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Of course the country can do history..
Reply
:iconwolfisinmysoul:
Wolfisinmysoul Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2014
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww goodness gracious you deserve all the love in the world for writing this wonderful story. 
Reply
:iconarandomname52:
Arandomname52 Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2014  Student
I looked at the views and im like MATTHEW YOU SLUT


XD jk tho
Reply
:iconprussiaskitten:
PrussiasKitten Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
dawwwwwww!!!!!!! so cute....... though i had to keep changing Matthew to Mattie in my head because my older brother is matthew and it was getting awkward. always have to do that. Oh and good Fic there. (I have dermotillomania. I have Depression/high stress/ and severe anxiety... i have to keep my nails short because of it.) hehe......
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:iconzephyros22:
Zephyros22 Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2014  Student Writer
Sounds like we're in the same boat. Although mine is not that much of a problem anymore because I have super good meds and whatnot. 
But thanks so much and hang in there!
Reply
:iconhetalian2468:
hetalian2468 Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014
I cried while I read this. I haven't resorted to cutting yet, but I've been struggling with the urge to. My very low pain tolerance is the only thing that stops me. I know my friends would try to help me... But the ironic part is that the one person who knows and tries is the one triggered my depression to come back this badly. And they don't even know it. So thank you for this wonderful piece of life saving art :'-)
Reply
:iconscarletandlunarcool:
ScarletandLunaRcool Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I wasn't that too... I recently started self - harming, but the scissors I have are dull, so I'll have to try to get one from my dad.
Reply
:iconhetalian2468:
hetalian2468 Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2014
I can understand... A lot has changed since I originally commented, and not for the better. But... If you need to talk... Just message me on here. It may take a while to reply, but I know how to comfort others much better than myself.
Reply
:iconzephyros22:
Zephyros22 Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2014  Student Writer
Stay strong hun, things get better in time. I'm here if you need me <3
Reply
:iconzephyros22:
Zephyros22 Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2014  Student Writer
Stay strong hun, things get better in time. I'm here if you need to talk. <3
Reply
:iconhetalian2468:
hetalian2468 Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2014
Thank you :'-)
Reply
:iconalexandriaevans11:
AlexandriaEvans11 Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2014
I scratch myself almost everywhere my body ._.
and I have fucking depression oh my god I truly am in the story happy cry XD 
Reply
:iconmochi-and-2p-rose:
Mochi-and-2P-Rose Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Canadian hugs are the best
Reply
:iconwafflepigs:
Wafflepigs Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2014
Except justin beiber's
Reply
:iconmochi-and-2p-rose:
Mochi-and-2P-Rose Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Lol
Reply
:iconwafflepigs:
Wafflepigs Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014
What? It's true LOL
Reply
:iconmochi-and-2p-rose:
Mochi-and-2P-Rose Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I believe you
Reply
:iconwafflepigs:
Wafflepigs Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014
:3
Reply
:iconmochi-and-2p-rose:
Mochi-and-2P-Rose Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I love your icon~!
Reply
:iconwafflepigs:
Wafflepigs Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014
Danke! :D
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(1 Reply)
:iconvargaslovespasta:
VargasLovesPasta Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Sometimes I feel so bad for the people who cut themselves, like this guy that used to sit at my table in class had tons of scars on his arm from cutting himself, and upon not knowing what to say, I called him an emo, I felt so bad that I did just want to kill myself, seeing as I'm a very nice person, it felt like I was calling him garbage T-T
Reply
:icon0lexdelapp:
0lexdelapp Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I wonder what made Reader-chan do that…
Reply
:iconscarletandlunarcool:
ScarletandLunaRcool Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Depression... it can hit anyone.
Reply
:iconhhhbeydoun:
HHHBeydoun Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
A certain relative of mine has depression. This made me feel better about her, which I have thought of a therapy that could help.

Thanks.
Reply
:iconzephyros22:
Zephyros22 Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2014  Student Writer
I'm glad this helps. : )
Reply
:iconhhhbeydoun:
HHHBeydoun Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Your welcome.
Reply
:iconresidentevilhetalia:
ResidentEvilHetalia Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Student General Artist
My friend would make me show her my wrist and stomach to make sure there were no new scars. I finally stopped, and i thank her X3
Reply
:iconwafflepigs:
Wafflepigs Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2014
Yay happy for you :brofisticon:
Reply
:iconzephyros22:
Zephyros22 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014  Student Writer
Good for her, and for you too!!
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:iconresidentevilhetalia:
ResidentEvilHetalia Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014  Student General Artist
Yea X3
Reply
:iconmbkwg2000:
mbkwg2000 Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is so sweet! And to all of you out there who feel the need to inflict pain on yourself, DON'T! If you ever feel the need, remember the people who love and care for you, the things you can do in life, or simply the fact that you are perfect just the way you are. There's no need to punish yourself in such a way!
Reply
:iconscarletandlunarcool:
ScarletandLunaRcool Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I can't..... I have no one....
Reply
:iconzephyros22:
Zephyros22 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Student Writer
I was re-reading this today and i came upon this comment. Thank you very much. I needed that today.
Reply
:iconmbkwg2000:
mbkwg2000 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Glad to be of service!
Keep your spririts up!
Reply
:iconbadassgermanchick:
badassgermanchick Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
this is sweet !! I used to slit the outside of my wrists when I was younger ( not the side with the veins !! ) to punish my self , I don't do that anymore though , this is a great story !
Reply
:iconzephyros22:
Zephyros22 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you very much, and good for you that you stopped!
Reply
:iconbadassgermanchick:
badassgermanchick Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
no problem ! and im glad I stopped , my poor arms couldn't take too much more ! im glad that you wrote this , its a real nice story !
Reply
:iconhetaliaeuropelover:
HetaliaEuropeLover Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2013  Student General Artist
I slice my finger when I've done something REALLY bad,and there's only two,but im pretty young...(2749-734+2005)
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:iconzephyros22:
Zephyros22 Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2013  Student Writer
I'm sorry to hear that. If you ever need to talk, you can note me. :)
Reply
:iconhetaliaeuropelover:
HetaliaEuropeLover Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2013  Student General Artist
thanks~ I'll keep that in mind~
Reply
:iconrinkagamine696:
RinKagamine696 Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2013
So wait was my parents the reason of my scars or was i the one cutting myself which caused the scars? Im a bit confused sorry =3=
Reply
:iconzephyros22:
Zephyros22 Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2013  Student Writer
It is up to you to decide. :>
Reply
:iconrinkagamine696:
RinKagamine696 Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2013
Well i guess im the one cutting myself since i do it in rl life sometimes
Reply
:iconzephyros22:
Zephyros22 Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2013  Student Writer
I'm sorry to hear that, love. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. :)
Reply
:iconrinkagamine696:
RinKagamine696 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013
Aww thanks :)
Reply
:iconjukegirl223:
Jukegirl223 Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
God the feels.. :iconsulkplz:

I slfl harm, not as much as I used to but I still do. It's picking now more than just actual cutting. It gets real tough sometimes. But this story made me feel better, stories like these always put a light in my day. :iconyaycanadaplz:

Danke :iconmoesmileplz: 
Reply
:iconkittycat13cute:
kittycat13cute Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2013  Student General Artist
I have a friend who cut herself... I was too shy to ask about it, because we are a trio. Allie, Heaven, and I. I was too shy to say anything about it, although she is my friend. I gathered up the courage one day and grabbed her arm softly, telling her that cutting herself isn't a source to getting better. I told her she could tell me anything. She didn't, but took my quiet advice and stopped. It's been less than a year since then, and I haven't seen any cuts on her arms anymore. 
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:iconzephyros22:
Zephyros22 Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2013  Student Writer
Good for her. Cutting is a dangerous habit and hard to escape. Even I still have the temptation sometimes, but I know I'm stronger than that. I know she has probably come to the same conclusion. I commend you for your bravery. Having a supportive friend is always important in escaping, I believe. 
Reply
:iconkittycat13cute:
kittycat13cute Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Student General Artist
Thank you. She stopped because of me. I'm very happy that she did.
Reply
:iconnullifydawolf:
NullifyDaWolf Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2013
My life...without the feels and more pain and more insanity. ;-;
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